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FARTING POEMS
 

My poem....
I needed a poem to educate you,
About my new cards and their pictures of poo!
If you want something different to send to a mate,
A relative, an enemy or even a date,
They are crude, they are funny but unlike a fart,
These insults on paper come straight from my Heart! :-)
Thanks to me for this poem
** Check out my New Crap-a-grams **

Your poems .....

 Farting with style takes practice,
Perfection takes time, its a gift,
You've first got to learn all the basics,
Like pushing one out in a lift.

Those silent but violent are classics,
With friends it's a really good game,
Fart in a crowd at a party,
Then watch to see who gets the blame.

Now once your technique has been mastered,
You'll know what your bottom can do,
But ALWAYS remember - don't push too hard,
Coz one day you might follow through !!!!
Thanks to Mike McCarthy for this poem

A fart is such a useful thing
it brings you lots of ease
it warms the bed on winter nights
and suffocates the fleas.
Thanks to Billy for this poem

My tummy felt full,
Had I eaten too much?
My tummy was sore,
Too sore to touch.

The pain began to build,
The rumbling did start.
Then all of a sudden,
I LET OUT A FART!
Thanks to Sarah M for this poem


 Farting can be fun
Be it silent or loud
You can do it on the run
by yourself or in a crowd
Some are very dry
and some are wet
some can make you cry
and some will make you sweat
so eat some spicy food
and try hard to let one go
yes, farting is rude
but it's fun don't ya know....
Thanks to Anonymous for this poem

 A fart is a musical instrument,
It cums from the island of bum,
It travels down the valley of trouser-leg,
Whilst making a musical hum.
Thanks to Anonymous for this poem

 Here I sit,
Same as ever
Took a dump
And pulled the lever,
The toilet cloged,
The water flowed,
Look out world it's a mother load
Thanks to Gregg for this poem

 A chemistry student named Tate,
was heard to remark to his date,
"Because of the stink,
a fart is, I think,
just shit in it's gaseous state."

On the subject of farts - one last item;
they've got to come out, so why fight'em?
You can blast them out loudly,
and boast of them proudly,
or if you're so inclined, you can light'em!
Thanks to Bill Wiley for this poem

 Pardon me for being rude
it was not me it was my food
it just popped up to say hello
and now it's gone back down below
Thanks to everyone who has sent this poem

 A Limerick (for the Classically Inclined)

"There was a young fellow named Cager,
Who, as the result of a wager--
Consented to fart
The entire oboe part
Of Mozart's Quintet in F Major"

(Not sure if Mozart really wrote a quintet in that key, but it is Fartfully consistent) :)
Thanks to Doug for this poem

 As I sat on the bog one day
Having a good old dump
I heard a voice from down below
It didn't half make me jump
And there I spyed a talking turd
I thought it rather potty
It said "I don't want to die"
And jumped back up my botty .
Thanks to Paul J for this poem

 There once was a lady of class,
Who had quite a bad case of gas!
She lifted one cheek,
And attempted "The Sneak"
And got a brown stain of her ---!
Thanks to Gordon for this poem

 There was a young fellow from Sparta,
A really magnificent farter,
On the strength of one bean,
He'd fart God Save the Queen,
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
Thanks to Frieda Dolce for this poem

 It is better to have fart and lost
Then to never fart at all.
Thanks to Simon for this poem

 I sat by the Duchess at tea,
She asked: "Do you fart when you pee?"
I said with some wit:
"Do you belch when you shit?"
I felt it was one up for me.
Thanks to CPD for this poem

 To the tune of Gloria Gaynor's - 'I Will Survive'....

First I was afraid, I was petrified
I could feel a strange commotion deep in my backside
I had spent so many nights trying to contain the pong
But I grew strong
And my arse burst into song
And so my gas
Had come to pass
As long as I know how to fart the world can kiss my ass
I got all my life to live
I got all my wind to give
It's fun to fart
It's fun to fart
Thanks to Katy for this poem

E-Mail with your poems.


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